i am where i am

i thought in the beginning i wouldn't mention my job here. but today, as i was downloading some photos to flickr that i had taken at work i thought about sets and thought "studio" was the natural place to put them. but then that warranted an explanation that it is not my studio. but the studio i am at monday thru friday and sometimes on the weekends as an artists' assistant. i work for a fairly well known artist - whose name i do not feel comfortable sharing as i am sure you can understand. he is wonderful. generous. kind. not at all the egotistical, maniacal artist stereotype. although i think he fit this bill in his younger days. he seems to have mellowed with age. his ego does still need the occasional stroke. (which yes, is part of my job description) but for the most part he spends the days painting beautiful pictures, while i work on his catalogue raisonne, shipping paperwork, reproduction requests, correspondence and the like. it is a great job. but one i never expected to have. it is great because he is great. he loves the girls as his own granddaughters and knows that my "position" as a mom is first and foremost. and we love him.

i studied for 7 years at university. first with the dream of being an artist. then with the plan of being an art conservator. i never followed through with the first after graduating with a BFA in painting. but moved right on to the second. (after a year struggling to fulfill the dreaded organic chemistry requirement.) i love(d) art conservation. but jobs are few and far between. i worked as an assistant conservator in toronto for a while. then came to los angeles on a graduate internship. it was in conservation. but not hands-on. rather in the theory and investigation of the problems surrounding contemporary art. while i was scheduled to stay only one year. i was renewed for another two. then left when administration changed and i was offered my present position. which i took instead of returning to conservation in toronto because i was in love. and wanted to stay. (one husband and two kids later...)

out of my graduating class, only one of my circle is still in the art con field. and she has recently decided to try something new. (art conservation is a romantic - but not at all lucrative business!)

anyway. too much information maybe. my point is my path hasn't been at all what i expected. and i often wonder what comes next. i am getting older(!) and still dream of new careers. (i loved mav's post on this topic sometime ago.) designing schoolyards. reggio amelia atelierista. printmaker. and while i love to dream i can't imagine really doing anything else. than being a mom. and this job lets me do it. i don't love my job. but i love what it allows me. we talk about buying a house here. or here - where everyone we know seems to want to be! about slowing down. doing some consulting. being able to work from home. to be at home. who knows.

i wonder about others' journeys. compromises. i think this is so relevant to women of "my" generation. caught between career and children and realizing you want to be the best mom perhaps more than have the best career. (and some do both so beautifully! loved kath of red current's look at this) are you where you thought you would be? are you on your way to someplace new?

i am happy where i am now. but curious about where else i may go...